Fantasy

Clouds : Undefinable Moments

My car stereo has been broken since the accident a while ago.
For some ridiculous reasons, I' ve always believed that I could fix it without going to the mechanic.
I used to fix things at my grandparents' house. I was pretty handy.
well..., there're some cases where things became worse and got into unusable state, but these were very rare. (at least I believe so!)
With such a great confidence, I've been waiting for the perfect day to do it, but that perfect day hasn't arrived yet..
why? .....??? just because that's me...
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it seems nothing to do with clouds...
but, in my case, it does...
since there's no music when I drive, I tend to look at the sky, especially at those clouds..
like music before, clouds become my companionship throughout the trips.
They accompany with me, follow my endless thoughts and go along with my different states of mind..
they are so fragile, forming irregular shapes..
is it all about the wind? or the environment? or their moods?
I can't guess how they will become everytime I observe them althought we've become so bonded over the course of our association.
they are mysterious.. unsolvable puzzles...
where do they come from? where are they going? where will they end up?
...I can't tell... I can't predict....I can't be certain...
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a couple of times, I painted clouds..
they were always changing their form on the canvas.. they wanted to escape..they wanted to be free, but they couldn't find a way, because I put them in boundaries.. I tied them up...
they couldn't get away..
and I hated those paintings..these are still in the garage..
I believe those clouds are still longing to run away from me..
how can I capture some clouds of my own?
how can I make them stay with me forever without so much aggressiveness?

yes, clouds are very fragile, but also.. extremely aggressive..

akin to clouds, my mind is always wandering ... as if there's no place to take refuge...
I ponder and ponder..
I wonder and wonder..
I reverie and reverie..
when will all these end?
how will all these end?
where will all these end?
... is there really an ending?...
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last night, when I drove back home, there was no glimpse of clouds.. it was such a dark night..
but I knew clouds were somewhere...invisible, but existing..
I was so sure they were watching over and escorting me till I felt asleep...
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that night, I didn't dream at all..




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