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Today I am very unfortunate..
Or yesterday or tomorrow..
..there is only callousness around me..
It’s only too cold..
so I try to smile… cheer up .. and be pleasant within my ability to do so..
…but too hard.. too hard to please you..
Maybe I have already been a vile person, and it’s too late to mend my standing..

I am back from 1999 to 2009..
just like ten years ago, through the clouds..
I could see the mountains, the ocean, the fields, buildings, rivers, trees, all the landscape from the sky.. and darkness and sunlight
there were tears on the little pillow..soaking wet.

just now I was looking at the wrinkled faces..theirs..his..hers and mine..
it was just now..
just now..
gazing upon the moon and not being able to distinguish it was a star or some other object next to it..I sang loudly and merrily.
there came raindrops onto my face when I was sound asleep..
after suddenly opening my eyes, I beheld the city night lights from the hill top, remembering all the lights that I had seen in my life.
it was just now--laughters, sobs, hugs, kisses, loud arguments--all around me..

now a plane's carrying my physical self to a place totally new to me..
it's just like ten years ago.

I remember there were
lots of planes..lots of trains..
lots of familiar faces, lots of unfamiliar faces..
lots of movements, lots of stillness..

I can't believe I am here now, just in a blink of an eye..
wasn't I there just now..?
How can I go back to those times?
How can I go back to those seconds?
How can I go back to those minutes?
How can I go back to those hours?
How can I go back to those days?

please tell me, how can I go back to those years?

where is the noodle soup? where is that warm blanket? where is that voice telling me to brush my teeth? where's that hiking trail? where are the city lights? where are the fishes? where is that snoring sound? where is that smiling moon? where is that little teddy bear? where are the noises from the playground? where is the small soft voice? where is the music? where is the coffee shop? where are the street lights? where are those faces?

where are they? where are they? where are they?

Now, there are only shadows around me..when I look around, there are only clouds!
How can I tell it was not a dream? too fast..just slipping away..
How can I tell I am not merely a dream?
yes, it's all a dream now..
I don't believe in Descartes anymore...
I think...but I am not there..
where is 1999?
how could everyone leave behind 1999?
how could I have forgotten 1999?
why could I never go back there anymore?
please tell me...
and please take me there again...

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I: Fragmentations

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I am physically and mentally old
and
broke at all times..
I have been away from home.. Drifting and drifting for many years..
Until someone stops me.. When will that be?
I got an IQ of 90 from one test and 142 from the other.
So I believe my IQ is fluctuating.
I once possessed a parrot and fed her chillies everyday to make her talk.
She died by eating too much chillies.
I am rude, cruel, jealous and gluttonous.
My mother critically believes that my father is a very tricky person
and I am exactly like him.
I am happy most of the time but try to believe that I am miserable
so that I can use that reason and have self-pity to treat myself
with good food and take naps as much as I desire.
When I eat, I become sleepy and when I sleep, I become hungry.
I can’t swim for the reason that I am so scared of water,
not because I hate water, but because water hates me.
After I die, I want my ashes to be spread over Irrawaddy River,
because that’s where my grandmother was born..
She had the sweetest smell and cutest face on earth.
I once lived in a small room, which had a little window
where I could see the moon every night.
I looked at it..so long.. until I felt dizzy and fell asleep.
I am very greedy, but too lazy to work hard to earn anything.
I just believe one day, and in a very near future,
I will find millions of dollars on the sidewalk
so I am very careful when walking down the street.
I paint, take photographs, make art pieces
and collect things from other people’s trash.
That’s all I possess in my life.
I’ve studied many different disciplines and become too confused
because everything needs hard slog.
I’ve done many different jobs and still remain at the same spot
because everything needs hard work.
Now I blame everything on establishment and the system.
I call myself “an artist” because that’s the closet category
I can put myself into
and I am too sluggish to find out other ones.
My best friend read my palm and said that I would die in 4 years.
Therefore, why make friends?
it's easier to make foes.
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