"...there it was, all around him, funny and lonely—the world of his life. The strange, weed-infested, junky, wonderful, senseless yet beautiful world…”
(Human Comedy, William Saroyan)

I live in the world of broken realities, the society of rapid transformations, the culture of self-entrapment, and the civilization of constant movements.

..I want to go back to the world in which I thought everyday was so long and so full of life, everywhere was such a wonderful playground and all my friends believed in heaven.

...thus far, I still want to believe that it is the same world….

Funny yet lonely… junky yet wonderful….generous yet narcissistic …strange yet fanciful...sickening yet beautiful
…that’s right, sickening yet beautiful…

My heart is the only place I call home..

..

..

And

..

I am homeless now..

..

..

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What is Religion? What is the Absolute Truth?

Is religion based on psychological or philosophical fundamentals?
Religion is the man-made institution.
Religion is in the society or in oneself.

I’ve been searching for myself and the Absolute Truth. There come the religious beliefs. There come the metaphysical ideas.

When my grandmother became ill, climbing stairs to go to the second floor of our flat had turned into a difficult mission. That time, I was 16. She asked me to help her fulfill one of her daily tasks— to offer food, flower and water to Buddha every morning at 6 o’clock at second floor. My grandmother was a religious person. She had a strong faith in Buddhism, cultural traditions such as Nats, or spirits and indigenous belief that God was everywhere in every realm of the Universe.


Being brought up by her, whenever I had doubt about such things as religious beliefs, I would search out her judgment on the issues, and she’d always had justifications and explanations. It didn't matter whether I got satisfied with her answers or not, she would always be contented with her belief in any case.


My grandmother passed away peacefully on one moonless night. I don’t know where to look for her when I have questions to ask now. And I don’t have to fulfill her task anymore.
But I am still looking for her.
And I still continue with the offering.

Religion is a composite of societal, cultural, traditional, and personal conviction.
Does it yield the Absolute Truth or is it far from it?
Does it make a person more confident, secured and calm?
Does it create wars between different belief systems?
Are we all created by one force, the God?
How do we break free from the cycle?

I think.
It’s all within me.
It’s all within me.
It’s all within me.

..

"I am..."

I have

No God
No religion
No civility
No faith in the systematic order of the society

I am
a boiling pot
extremely blazing inside out


not a polite one
not a well-behaved one
not a shrewd one
not a decent one

but
I've been one
a human
all filled with egotism


Hey... Carnegie
I've never read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
I abandoned it
when Mother bought me one

I have no exciting secrets
but lots of enemies within...

I have no talent to brag about
but loud frivolous talks are surrounded by

I have inextinguishable internal and external dissensions
hearing only my derisive laughs..

In fact
I am..
just a human
See me as a human
no more than that
no less than that..

Television and I

Last night, for the first time, I stared at the TV in my room, thinking about the switch from analog to digital broadcasting at midnight on February 17, 2009.

It’s a silver, 21-inch Magnavox television.

It was just quietly sitting on the stand.
When did I get it? I couldn't think of exactly when, but I got it from a moving sale for less than $ 50.

It’s been with me for about 5 years, moving with me from one place to another, sometimes staying in the living room, sometimes, in the bedroom.
I stared at it again, not knowing whether to get rid of it or buy a converter box.

The truth is, watching TV is my least favorite recreation, if I put it in that category. I watch news and some shows, but apart from that, I’ve used my TV only for watching DVDs and VHS (the latter might sound unfamiliar to some of you!).

But it wasn't always like that.

Even though commercially available since 1930s, a television set didn’t arrive to our household until 80s. Of course, I was in Burma then and we were middle-class family.
During those days, a TV was a wonder box for me, which took over the fascination of the old and rusty radio. I used to think that little people were singing and dancing in that sound box of a radio. See? I wasn’t a very smart kid, either.

We used to have only one TV channel back in those days and I would stay up until the end of the program and go to bed. I loved TV that much! In addition to listening to the sound, I could now watch all my favorite programs, shows and movies. What more could I ask for?

When I grew older, I heard a story about a distant relative, who had never seen either a TV set or an automobile in her whole life. That time, I was so amazed by that. How could that be? How could she find fun without TV? I wondered.

Nowadays, I can afford to have my own TV. Although I don’t buy cable, I can press the remote control to choose from at least 20 channels. Having been exposed to different media in this world of technology, I know there are other options than watching TV. TV has become less and less fascinating to me. Perhaps it's a human nature. Perhaps, the world is changing so rapidly. Or perhaps, it's just me.

I don’t know how technology will advance in 10 years, but I just see that it has become a daily norm in my life--I can't go out without my cell phone, I listen to my i-pod and surf the net everyday.

Does technology make my life better? I don’t know.

But surely, I can tell that I was more contended and happy when there was only one 14-inch TV set in the living room and my whole family was watching it together—my grandma, my brother, my sister, my cousins and our cat. TV was surrounded by laughter, tears, hugs and kisses.

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I stared at my TV again, this time, I felt grateful that it’s been with me for 5 long years.

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Rangoon

Blood-stained city
drifting souls on its streets...

doors are shut
eyes are shut
ears are shut
mouths are shut

Muted lights from the candles
a touch here.. a tad there..

Devils everywhere all over...
shadowing, watching, following, scrutinizing

its children... children.... children...
every heart is howling
every soul in ruins
every psyche depleted
....families into pieces....

where is tomorrow...?
where is brightness...?
where is hope....?


Where is Rangoon now...?

Earthquake in California

I was taking Mitch's photographs when the earthquake hit.

At first, I wasn't sure it was an earthquake, since I was in standing position, I felt the floor shaking and thought it was only a hallucination.

As we came out of the building, we saw a girl shaking and crying as her friend's trying to console her. There were some people running and screaming at each other, most of them on the cell phone.

Loud volume of live news on the radio in the office.. Panic on the faces of people... all of them trying to reach their loved ones...

"are you okay?" .."there's no signal on my cell phone!"... "should we evacuate ourselves now since there might be one more coming?"... "oh my god! it was strong!" ...

Everyone's mind was on the subject; every conversation surrounded it. This made me think of how vulnerable we would become at the time of life-threatening situation.
We easily forget about how uncertain life is and take it for granted for many things in regular daily life.


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Now, the crowd became calmer and everyone went back to their regularity, attending their businesses..
Once the chaos is gone, we all laugh, leave it behind and carry on with our own lives....
5.4 earthquake? it seems just like a dream now.

My heart pained when I remembered the recent Nargis victims in Burma.

Where is justice when we need it the most?

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