...

sometimes I feel like the end is near..
I believe the end is exciting.
the end is the epilogue of everything what has been done.

goodness of life..
essence of life..
nature of life...
Aristotle's four causes can't be unwound..
moving.. moving.. moving towards the end..

you may read this.. I may write this..
you may understand this.. I may explain this..
you may love this.. I may entice this...

but it's all going to end.. one way or another..
I so anticipate the end.
Life with an ending is a complete cycle..

....
it's beautiful out there after the rain..

...

thought of the week

"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."

-Erma Bombeck, American humorist

...

Lured into the whole world of sham,

I no longer distinguish if the blue is still the blue that I’ve longed to catch from the sea..

They are cultured to think and constantly feeding others the notion

that money and beauty are the core of life…

I have none and I get bored

let me tell you, time has just passed by me….

too late to make money ..

too old to fake beauty

all that I have in these hands is

fantasy fantasy fantasy..

... as soon as the fantasy of life is gone...
I misplace myself, lose my soul, break my core and whatnot

Lonely and loud…

Here is to my dreams..

Never to confuse that blue again..

Jet Lag

“..with a feeling like jet lag—an odd sensation of fragility, of being there and not here, somehow distant from my surroundings.” Roberto Bolano, Sensini.


It’s funny and sad, in a weirdest way….
During the recent journey, I’ve seen so many skies—sky with scores of faces and colors, sky with outrageous mood, sky whose voice calms me down, sky pretending to be sky, sky with or without evenings, and sky who steals my last morning with Asia.

Those skies.. follow me to my deepest unconsciousness.

..when I woke up, it’s in the middle of night.. Then I choked up with nausea in my head..
Seemingly asleep the rest of the world was, or at least my surroundings, I had this numbness, because I tried not to think.. or feel..

Hey.. it’s not a feeling like jet lag, it is a jet lag..
but then I know exactly neither is true..

Who suffers more? The leaver or leavee? I or Asia?
She doesn’t seem to care; it’s morning over there anyway.

I, now, continue to drag my tired body to the familiar arena of seclusion... till the dawn comes..
with its soothing warmth, my soul rests, while my eyes are still open, searching for things that I cannot have.

..

The painting is still incomplete.. I am not satisfied with the color nor the brushstrokes.

..I have terrible headaches..maybe from poor eyesight.. ..My eyes are lazy, and I have overworked them for so long.

Consequently, there is this pain ..so horrible, horrible pain in the head..

Absence....the lack of unknown… even in this moment..

I need sleep..

I need to rest now..

I need to just close my eyes..

But the painting is still not finished..

breaking up with Thibaw

-->

what would I do..

if there were no more stars?

everyday can't be as muted as it is now..

I am in “the Glass Palace”

its mirrors reflecting thousands of images

some near some far

past is now the only witness

inside all these walls

we look around and around..

Nothing left..

one more time and

Nothing exists.

as if there were no as if..

Kipling shouting out “Mandalay”

I keep on looking for the stars..

He, Thibaw, the last King of Burma, the Greatness

with those binoculars..

Searching for the stars that never went home..

What would you do

If there were no more stars?

-->

Marlene Dumas

The writer of "Irrawaddy Tango" and "The Coffin Tree"

"The role of the artist in the East is not to question and challenge the nature of reality but to reconcile society with reality. Self-expression in the Western sense is not the task of the artist in the East. Rather it is affirmation, repetition, the subjugation of the ego’s very desires and ambitions that preoccupy those in the West. "

............

"History, after all, is the version of the victors. The history books are slanted in favor of the successful conquerors. Literature, on the other hand, documents the version of the conquered. I’m on the side of literature. "

Wendy Law-Yone